friend on drugs :(

[Bilqis]

As Salaamu Alaikum everyone! I'm new and am desperate for advice from my Muslim Ummah. My intended husband, who introduced me to Islam (Alhamdulillah!) He is on drugs. not weed but hard street drugs. He says its because he has personal issues and it help him deal with it. he's Muslim for over 10 years and I am new Shahada as of august 2006. I am so fed up and want to leave him but if I do then he will lose job, and maybe become homeless because he work graveyard shift and uses my car to get to work and there's no buses after 10pm where we live. He stopped cold turkey for Ramadan and then started right back up about a week after. I don't want to just leave him out in the cold, But it's starting to show in his looks and I tell him that, he just says "I know" but he doesn't care. All he care about is the drug. He's very knowledgable, was teaching me Arabic and all. What should I do with him?!

[hope]

Assalaamu'alaykum,


May Allah swt help you in this situation and help this man turn himself around ameen


Sis, first of all let me congradulate you on entering upon the best decision that you will have ever made in your life. :)
I pray that Allah swt will guide you into further knowledge of the deen and help you in your seeking on loving him and acting upon His favors and commandments and ordainments. ameen


Sis, this is a hard difficult situation for anyone. For someone to be able to tell you what to do, first you must seek out the correct council such as an Imaam or "scholarly advice". Anyone can give you advice, but it may not be the correct advice, but we can help you along inshaAllah by giving our opinions backed up by the Quran and Sunnah inshaAllah. :)

Let me tell you, that you are NOT RESPONSIBLE for his actions and you are NOT to be blamed for his mess-ups and confusion in his life. HE will be responsible in front of Allah swt for all his actions. So do not feel guilty if you feel you are pushing him into more despair.

For loving him sis, in Islam, we are not to have any personal relationships with a man outside marriage. We are not to engage in intimate relationships, being in a secluded room even with just one male or one female for the third is shayton, is haram (forbidden). Being that you are new to Islam and I do not know how much you have learned thus far, I am saying it from one sister to another, pray to Allah swt for guidance sis. This man, you are not responsible for. You have been given the PRIVILEDGE OF ISLAM and accepting it is the best thing you could ever have done and now, if things are getting messed up in your life, I just want to warn you that, SHAYTON will come to you in every way, being it through people, words, actions, degredations, disappointments etc. etc. etc. He will try to persuade you into leaving Islam out of hatred for it. He will try to make you feel dissatisfied with what you have done to the point of trying to push harder for you to leave it. He will make you try to feel worthless and nonsensicle through ways of forbiddens and harams. And he also comes in halal (allowable) ways to make you think you are doing something good in place of something mandatory. He is a chicky being and we are to try our best to avoid situations that can have these types of effects on us inshaAllah (God willing). :)


We must try and understand that being in these types of situations, such as you and your friend are in, are wrong and must be corrected Islamically and carefully. :)

Sis, you are now a muslimah mashaAllah tabarakAllah and it is time to stand up for your belief and he needs to see this. You never know what could be the outcome of this. But one thing for sure sis, is that you have Allah swt on your side and the truth. Seek out Allah swt and trust in Him.

Excuses can always be given, but it is our imaan that can be showin. :)

May Allah swt help you sis and improve your situation and may Allah swt help those who help themselves. ameen


sis :hope:

[fatimah]

:salamalaikum:
Welcome to the forum sister Bilqis :) I hope you enjoy your stay.And may Allah swt grant you Jannah for accepting Islam ameen.marshallah!

Well about your friend, :rolleyes: Everything is easy said then done,but try to stick by him,because things may get worst for him if you left him alone.Maybe you can help him with his problems,get him to open up,it may take a load off his shoulders. .Get him back on track,how he used to be.Encourage him to go to the mosque for pray,even islamic classes,remind him of the reward he would receive from Allah swt.
It will help to play/read surat Baqara ..the cow,from the Quran.The shaytan is always up to its useless work, clinging to your friend to stay in his state
Maybe he has a few bad friends around him?Get him into new activties!
I'm sure you are falling yourself :"> but you must stick to your faith and be strong and make lots of duaas ([Only registered and activated users can see links]) for him and yourself so you can show him back to the straight path inshallah
may Allah swt help you dear sister ameen @-
wa salaam
Fatimah

[aku]

Walikum salam sis

As heartless as my advice may sound but u have to think about yourself as well - you are accountable for your actions and so even though you can try and help someone but if they dont wish to help themselves and want to jump into destruction then there is little you can do really.

The best in my opinion would be to tell him to stop or else you are walking out the door. Make him choose between this filth or being with you - if he cares for you the decision will be simple and he will try his best. If not then you already know what to do.

I hope it helps.

Bro aku

[hope]

great advice but pray istikara first...akhi...do you have a thread here on the prayer of istikara?

[Zakir Khan]

[Only registered and activated users can see links]

@- The Best Family Online! @-

:luv: May Allah Let It Prosper! Ameen! :luv:

Congrats!! On Coming into Islam!!! :hug: #1 Family on Earth :luv:

:tea::lilguy: We're looking forward to your posts! Enjoy!!! :lilguy: :ice:


_________________________________________________

Salaam,

First of all I think its the Graveyard shift that has done that to him, And Ameen to all the Duas and Advice given above is good - mashallah :)

But your not married to him yet though - so thats ok - I think you should both contact a local Imam or Sheikh to get help and maybe he needs councelling.

May Allah Help You Ameen!

ISTHIKARA ([Only registered and activated users can see links])

Wasalaam.

[Hana]

Salam Alaikum sister:

First I want to congratulate you on your reversion and welcome you to the P2P Family. @-

Sister, you are in a difficult situation and honestly, I have to agree with Aku, even though it may sound harsh.

Drug addiction effects everyone associated with the individual and as long as you stay you run the risk of being destroyed along with him. Without realizing it, you are enabling him to continue with his addiction. Making life easier for him while he slowly ruins it is not helping him. Sister, I would tell you the same thing whether you were a Muslimah or not, but now that you are Muslim it is also wrong to be in this type of relationship in the first place, so the situation is complicated further.

My sincere advice is the use of Tough Love. Tell him to enter rehab or you're finished. It is not your responsibility where he ends up if he refuses treatment sister. You may care deeply about him, but his love will always turn to the drug above all else. And when that drug no longer produces the effect he wants, he will go to another. Sister, I promise you, if you continue this way he will destroy both of you.

Should he opt for rehab, I strongly recommend you join a support group for friends and family of addicts to learn how to cope and to best help him.

May Allah, swt, continue to guide you and bless you, and may He help your friend to become drug-free and return back to Islam. Ameen

Take care, sister and wasalam for now,
hana

[Bilqis]

Thank You! Thank you all so much for your advice. Since you guys(and girls!) have such differing opinions and they are all good, I might just have to go to the Mosque and talk to the Imam. My intended has been thru rehab. he's been to prison due to the drugs in the past. I brought it up yesterday I asked him if he needed to go back to rehab he said no. When I do try to help or question him, he just says "it's decreed by Allah theres nothing you can do" He also says it because of me because when I took my Shahada, I stopped any fornication with him and since he has 2 jobs I only have 1 we are hardly at home together, its easy to not be around him. except on weekends that we r both off but he's doing the drugs then so it's easy to stay away from him. I want to move back in with my biological brother but, will I incur Allah's displeasure if I leave my Muslim Brother all alone to ruin his life? Sorry that I have so much more info for y'all to ponder now! Thank You so much for all your advice. I feel so guilty and alone.

[minky]

WS sis

You are not his wife and you dont owe him anything because it is allah who bring people to Islam not people. you must be careful sis bcos if things dont go by plan as u have in mind u could end up in trouble. so tell some bros at mosque to help this boy in trouble. The bro are equal responsible that they should try and help this man but you are sister so you must take care and not be hanging out with some non mahram man. hope you understand my point

[arabian_wannabe]

AssalaamWa ALaikum sis....and welcome to the deen of al-Islam! :hug:

this is a very difficult situation...with no easy answers...as to your first question regarding how to deal with him...and what you should do...i think that has been answered --- inshAllah i think the best thing for both of you is getting help....islamically as well as psychologically.

i think you wanting to move back in with your brother is the best step! at least your intended will see that you are serious about your threat of leaving him for good. i agree with sis fatimah too that you shouldnt leave him without gettin him help first (i think you've given all the emotional help and love you can give--the best thing is to find him professional help..and ofcourse make Dua and leave it in Allahs hands)

but i also believe that you SHOULDNT FEEL LIKE YOU OWE THE BROTHER. dont feel guilty for something that is out of your hands. he is the only one who can change--and he saying ' Allahs decreed it' is very ignorant and cowardly of him. as long as you are able to help him get professional help then you have no more duty as you are not yet married. you are not going to be held accountable for his actions inshAllah.

sis may Allah make it easy for you...subhanAllah you have just been purified of all your sins!!! why start accumulating them just because he has given up on himself to the vile drugs--

*move back in with your brother.
*get professional help and counselling from both a competent Imam who is able to deal with these situations and a drugs counseller....rehab again would be the best.
*try to get another respectable brother invovled...whom you know will be able to 'talk sense' and give further emotional help to him

inshALlah make dua sis...when you are in sajdah (closest to Allah!) ask Him for guidance and ask Him for His help!....you will find no better help than from our Creator!

keep on smiling sis :hug:

:arabian:

[Hana]

Salam Alaikum Sister:

I just was reading you newest post and I have to agree with Sis Arabian. Please, sister, move in with your brother and remove yourself from this situation.

I'm rather angry he says Allah, swt, decreed this. Allah, swt, FORBID this and this guy is trying to justify his poor behaviour. He obviously doesn't care if he drags you down with him.

You've done your duty, sister. You tried to help a brother and he refused it. You can talk to the Imam and tell him of this brother's problem. Inshallah, he can intervene or ask some brothers to do that.

Sister, please remember that just because someone reads the Qur'an, prays 5 times a day, etc., doesn't mean they are a good Muslim. Just because he reads the Qur'an and goes to the Mosque doesn't make him a devoted Muslim anymore than standing in the garage makes him a car. The very fact he is encouraging you to commit a major sin is proof enough of that.

Sis, move in with your brother and work on yourself, leave him to Allah, swt.

Wasalam,
hana

[Zakir Khan]

Salaam,

And I have to agree with sister arabian and sister hana, its best you move back in to ur brothers, because what he said is not nice because people have a choice. :)

Wasalaam.

[halfcast_muslim]

listen sis if he dont wna get off the drugs there aint much u can do about it


as a friend all you can do is be there

[worl peace]

:salamalaikum: sis :welcome: to the best family..p2p and the muslim ummah.. :hug: the advice sis arabian and hana nd evry1 gave is really good advice sis..also keep mkin plenty of duaa 4 him,

may allah reward u, keep ur faith strng nd help the bro gt bk to the ryt path, inshallah u'l b in my duaas sis :uv: :wsalamalaikum: :D

[hope]

Assalaamu'alaykum,

I totally agree with sis Arabian, Hana and the above....sis, if he is putting the blame on you.....astaghfirAllah! This shows that he is extremely ignorant, insecure, and a coward!!! SubhanAllah sis!! Don't listen to him and his lame EXCUSES for him to continue his DIRTY FILTHY ADDICTION. Do put you foot down sis and although it is hard to hear and perform, it is your duty as a Muslim to do what is right inshaAllah. Contact an imaam and if he is a good imaam inshaAllah, he will tell you to stop having any relations with him for it is HARAM in Islam. You are not responsible in any way, shape or form for him to intimidate you, insult you or blame you. Tactics from shayton from a companion of one.

So sis, if he is not willing to help himself and you have tried, get out!

May Allah swt help you sis and improve his situation for himself and the betterment of the deen ameen!


(don't mean to sound harsh sis...but I just hate being taken advantage of and am sure we all do and it is hard to see a newly, fresh muslimah sis being taken at that...it is hurtful and annoying and I ask everyone to forgive me if I have done anything to hurt them)

:hope:

[Bilqis]

Things have gotten worse. He just totaled my car. He's o.k. unhurt and wreck wasnt his fault ( goodness, I sound sooooo stupid!) but anyway thats whats happening. I never went to the Mosque but I am now trying to move on out but he's fighting it. and now i'm getting scared cuz I feel like I dont know him now. I got a rental car and i wont let him drive it, he's buggin me every 2-3 hours to go somewhere (he goes in I sit out in the car) I have to hide the keys. He always watching me asking me what im doing. He knows im gonna leave. I dont want to be calling police and my family members, they're Non-Muslims, they dont really like him because he's Muslim and they dont know that I've taken Shahada. I feel like im really in a mess.

[halfcast_muslim]

luk if talkin to him aint work it u just gta 4gt him sis

[worl peace]

:salamalaikum: :sis: things seem to be gttin wrse..nd i its prbly gna gt harder speshly if the way ur livin now will go on, u wnt b able to liv lyk that for long sis nd i think u shud move out asap..i knw its easier sed then dun bt he's taking u dwn with him, im sure u dnt lyk the way u have to live ryt now, in ur first post u sed u cud move in with ur brother, inshallah this will be better for u..ur in my duaas.. :wsalamalaikum:

[halfcast_muslim]

all u can do is make plenty duas i will 4 u sis

[muslimbrother23]

Things have gotten worse. He just totaled my car. He's o.k. unhurt and wreck wasnt his fault ( goodness, I sound sooooo stupid!) but anyway thats whats happening. I never went to the Mosque but I am now trying to move on out but he's fighting it. and now i'm getting scared cuz I feel like I dont know him now. I got a rental car and i wont let him drive it, he's buggin me every 2-3 hours to go somewhere (he goes in I sit out in the car) I have to hide the keys. He always watching me asking me what im doing. He knows im gonna leave. I dont want to be calling police and my family members, they're Non-Muslims, they dont really like him because he's Muslim and they dont know that I've taken Shahada. I feel like im really in a mess.


:salamalaikum:

I am very happy to hear of your reversion back to Islam, Subahanallah!! Allah has guided you to the Straight Path, to Islam.

Sister, you sound like you have gotten yourself into a messy situation with little to no support. I think the first thing you should do before anything else is to have the intervention of a responsible Muslim brother. It is very important that you find someone to help you. Go to the mosque and let some sisters know of your situation and maybe they can find a brother to help you.This man is not your mahram, and you really shouldn't being sharing an apartment/house with him. As others have said, you do not owe your reversion back to Islam to this man. It is Allah alone who guides whom He wills, and subhanallah He has guided you. It obvious he is a friend of yours and you want to help, but you got to think of yourself as well. You are not responsible for his sins and action, and he won't be responsible for your sins/actions. Sometimes to help a friend in the longrun, you have to make difficult decisions that may hurt their feelings. It is best that you let others know, whether it be your biological brother, sisters from the mosque, imam, or even the police.

[hope]

mashaAllah tabarakAllah excellent advice and sis listen to it before he drags you down with him..we want what's best for you and to enter into Islam with this hangin over you, well, it is a difficult thing to witness...but you need to straighten out YOUR LIFE first and then, try to deal with him later with help of others NOT YOU. InshaAllah you will be fine...just leave him sis for it isn't worth it especially if he is not worthy of himself. Remember: Allah swt helps those who help themselves.


:hope:

[halfcast_muslim]

agreed....

u dont wna be dragged down by him.......